Margarine is Murder

Biking with Better Britches

January 25, 2025

adventure, Bicycle, Germany

Having real bike shorts makes such a huge difference for endurance. It’s easy to forget until you get back in the saddle on a good chamois and suddenly you feel like you can ride forever. The strong headwind, however, tried to prove I couldn’t.

I departed with 80% on my ebike battery and started out on my tour, which was supposed to take me to nearby town Homburg and back. I somewhat rushed out the door as at 9am it was sunny and 55 degrees F already, it had seemingly rained overnight, and it was supposed to rain later, but right now it was lovely.

Took me a bit to get out of the house, I had to put on and put together too many unfamiliar clothes; I recently got some jersey/shorts sets, and some rain gear. I donned regular leggings over my shorts and my rain jacket, strapped my new phone holder to my handlebars, and headed West.

I can’t get over how gorgeous the countryside here is. Everything is quaint and green and interesting, little bits of history dotting the open fields ceding to dense mixed forests and hills. Trains clatter by on the tracks as I pass ancient-looking farms and a fenced field with dormant bee hives, a picknick table across the path from the bee enclosure. I read somewhere that bees will learn faces so I can imagine one could go there and make friends.

I arrived in Homburg and I could feel the change from the smaller Dorfs to the larger town. There was a walkable city center with some older and newer buildings, and a really neat fountain that is made out of crankshafts. Pretty excited to come back and see it when the water is on.

The main sidewalk had a dedicated bike lane, and I followed that over to the Stadtpark where there was a lake and a bunch of really neat sculptures. I didn’t linger cause the clouds were starting to look heavy and I didn’t exactly want to get caught in rain.

Made my way home on the bike path and rode up the driveway just a few minutes after it had started drizzling. I’m very pleased to have some ideas for places to visit and go back to. There were so many branching paths that I ignored as I went on my tour, so many avenues for additional rides, so much to look forward to in this magical land.

5 comments on Biking with Better Britches
An Ode to Astra

January 20, 2025

Germany, Stories

1999 was a good year for Opel, it appears; this Astra is still traveling Germany’s Straßen 26 years later. I am at least the 3rd owner, though titles and transfers don’t appear to work the same here as they do back home. The original owner kept all their paperwork and had detailed notes in the manual. This will be helpful when I learn Car German, I am sure.

Rio Verde Pearl paint is barely chipped and faded where the top coat is finally starting to age. The front end reminds me of a similarly aged Honda Civic, the back end reminds me a bit of a Kia. The truncated hatch not held open by worn out struts hits me on the head while I try to shove a mattress box in the back while moving.

The American couple I bought it from were quite proud of it being automatic. I sheepishly told them this will be the first automatic transmission vehicle I have ever owned; the BMW i3 doesn’t count, it doesn’t have a transmission.

Sometimes the battery light stays on after the initial dash startup, and that means I have to rev the engine like this was an old RX8, cause otherwise the power steering won’t engage. The hopeful ‘S’ for Sport on the automatic shifter lever speaks of a time begone when the full 97HP was available. I can get to 130kmph on the Autobahn eventually. If I push 140, the font end starts to shake a bit so we just stick to 130. The heat works pretty well which is a definite plus in the wintery cold.

There’s a snowflake button on the side of the shift indicator that I am assuming it wants me to press when the snowflake shows up on the clock next to the exterior temperature indicator. I pressed it once when the roads were glistening promising reduced traction. I think it worked, but I also feel like the very soul exited the engine and left the Astra extra sluggish. I am told the AC does not work at all, which frankly, fine; we’ll see what the autobahn is like with the windows down I suppose.

Was there even Bluetooth at all in 1999? Certainly not in this vehicle. I play my music on the my phone speaker, which doesn’t sound awful; definitely not loud enough, however. The hand-me-down phone holder suction-cupped to the windshield stopped sucking (started sucking?) and won’t stick anymore. I had to get a new one, since I still rely on my navigation a lot. I got it in Dark Green to match the Rio Verde Pearl.

1 comment on An Ode to Astra
Swedish Lumber

January 19, 2025

Germany, Stories

The light that pierces night,
The dark fog parted.
A beacon of yellow sun,
Blue sky’s brightness.
I am lost no more,
Looking up, my compass.
IKEA

My order was set for delivery between 1400h and 2100h on Friday. Had I known I would be working from home, I would have chosen the early block. Luckily, they arrived at 1530h and unloaded the stream for boxes and components into my empty living room. One of the delivery people asked me “Bist du Amerikanerin?” and when answered in the affirmative told me he thought so, my German has an American accent.

There is no IKEA store in Albuquerque unless you count the unmarked, sketch-looking warehouse where you can have some items shipped, apparently (I just found out about this right now, googling to see if I had missed one), so I have only encountered the icon of Swedish build-it-yourself furniture and meatballs in media and popular culture. No, I have not tried the meatballs yet. It took me 3 visits to get over the overwhelm enough to actually order the furniture.

I feel like this being the IKEA in Albuquerque is oddly fitting.

The overwhelm crept in a bit when contemplating all the boxes of unbuilt furniture. I was supposed to go to dinner in a couple hours so I thought maybe I would start on the bedside table, it must be simple, right?

It was not. I ended up leaving the box half open, the instructions on the floor, and went to dinner at Mexican Pink in Kaiserslautern (such good tacos), and leaving the construction for Saturday.

I started with the IVAR shelving unit in the kitchen on Saturday Morning. The instructions wanted me to make friends in order to build these taller pieces, but I am stubbornly independent and used things like the door, the walls, and the kitchen drawers to play the role of a buddy helping me hold things up. I very quickly discovered that the tiny hammer in my tool kit was far too wimpy, and went to the hardware store in Landstuhl real quick to get a normal claw hammer, and a drill.

After getting the shelves set up and in their proper place, I populated them with some of my kitchen things and pantry items, and was very pleased.

After a lunch break and a pause to go to the BX for a few kitchen organizer items, I went upstairs and tacked the EKET nightstand that had intimidated me so on Friday. I was Jack’s complete lack of surprise; it was really quite complex to put together. I was really happy to have the drill at some point – they wanted me to use a screwdriver, however I do not have the strength of 30 men in my hands and was having trouble getting everything as tight as it should be.

I became overly ambitious after the EKET and decided to get started on the PAX, the wardrobe I had custom designed on the website. It was a feat of strength to get the boxes for it up the stairs, they were quite heavy. I got the thin side with the closet door and single drawer in, and put together the closet shell of the wide section, but had started making dumb mistakes and my muscles were starting to complain a bit too much, so I called it quits before assembling the drawers and shelves for the wide side.

Sunday dawned to freezing fog. The grocery store parking lot being empty made it eerie and almost liminal. After making coffee, carefully stretching my poor, stiff body, and starting some laundry I tackled the 4 drawers and shelves to complete the wardrobe. Everything looks really nice, and I am happy to have my clothes no longer stacked on the floor. Sensi seems to approve of the wardrobe, it makes her eating area a bit more secluded.

The fog persisted into the mid afternoon, and the sun came out just in time for a lovely sunset. There have been some really gorgeous sunsets over here with the winter sun dipping into the southwest horizon, magnified by the atmospheric lensing. Germany is really beautiful.

3 comments on Swedish Lumber
Naturedenkmal Elendsklamm

January 11, 2025

adventure, Germany, Photography, Wandern gehen

This week was one of those stretches that feels heavier than it should. Work was a carousel of frustration—computers misbehaving, systems refusing to cooperate, and every fix I applied seeming to unravel somewhere else. By the time Friday rolled around, my brain was fried. To top it off, just a couple of days ago, it was snowing—a beautiful kind of chaos, but still chaos. I’d made up my mind that today would be about catching up—chores, homework, all the little things that get left behind when life picks up speed.

Then came the sun. Glorious, unfiltered winter sunlight pouring through my windows like an invitation I couldn’t ignore. It was too rare, too perfect to waste indoors. With a quick shrug at my original plans, I pulled on my shoes, grabbed my Camelback, and headed out the door, drawn southward into the Pfälzerwald, the forest that has been whispering for weeks to come and explore.

The trail wove its way down toward a stream, and I soon found myself face-to-face with history. This was no ordinary stream—it was the former lifeblood of the Tausendmühle, a mill that has been working, churning, and enduring since 1598. It was humbling, standing there and imagining the countless winters this water had witnessed, its song unchanging as centuries swept by.

And then there were the waterfalls—closer than I ever realized. Only a mile or two from my new home, they were hidden treasures revealed by the light of this rare sunny day. Despite the icy air, the forest felt warm, alive. The sunlight filtered through bare branches and green pine needles, painting patches of moss in radiant greens that seemed to glow against the earth’s quiet browns and grays. Dead leaves crunched underfoot, their musty scent mingling with the sharp clarity of winter air. It felt like stepping into another world, untouched and inviting.

Halfway through the hike, the trail joined the Jakobsweg, the famed St. James Way. There’s something humbling about walking a path worn by so many pilgrims, their steps imbued with hope, longing, and faith. I’ll admit, I’m far from Santiago de Compostela, but for a brief moment, I felt connected to the larger story of humanity’s wandering spirit.

And then, as if the forest wanted to gift me one last piece of its magic, I stumbled upon what could only be described as a faerie house. A licken-covered nook in a stump, surrounded by toadstools, that seemed plucked from a storybook. It felt almost absurd, standing there grinning at something so whimsical, but perhaps that’s the charm of the forest—it reminds you how to believe in the fantastical again.

As I made my way back home, the chores and homework I had left behind felt less pressing, less consuming. The forest had a way of sifting through the week’s chaos and leaving me lighter, clearer. And now I know—I don’t have to go far to find a little enchantment. Sometimes, it’s just a few steps into the trees.

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What is ‘Luck’ exactly…

January 8, 2025

Germany, Stories

I am working some 4/10s this week so that I could have today off, as this was the first opportunity MediaMarkt had for my appliance delivery and installation. I got my Starlink internet equipment Monday, and so have some decently fast home internet set up now. My washer, dryer, and most importantly, my refrigerator are being delivered and installed today.

Being off work, I started the day a little later than normal, and was doing a small bit of tidying up in the kitchen before I made coffee and did important things like brush my hair, or put on any kind of layer or shoes. I popped out the front door quickly to put some trash in one of the outdoor trash bins, came back, and my heart sank when I realized the door had fully shut behind me. I was locked out, all three copies of the house keys, my phone, my jacket, my shoes, all locked away.

I felt like a complete idiot I tried to ask Sensi through the door to pull down on the handle, but alas even if she understood at all, she is too small to reach and almost certainly not heavy enough. I looked around the various windows but it turns out my new abode is very secure from intruders. And from locked out tenants.

I bare-footed my way over to the neighbor’s house and rang the doorbell. He opened the door and I started trying to say I was locked out in German “Entschuldegen sie mir bitte, aber ich bin die neue nachbarin und ich habe mir…. locked out? uh..” “Oh no!” he replied in English, “let me call your landlord, please come in”. I expressed my embarrassment and gratitude, talked to my landlord on the phone, expressed more embarrassment and gratitude as he said he’d be able to head home to grab a spare key and come meet me at the house, it would take him about an hour.

The neighbor and I sat in his downstairs room and made some small talk; he gave me a pair of socks to borrow and made a cup of coffee for each of us. He said “You’re very lucky. Normally I am not home until quite a bit later but I had to stay and take care of some things here!” He told me how much he loves Hamburg, and a bit about the area; he’s from Landstuhl, his wife grew up in the house we were sitting in.

My landlord arrived, he found the spare key and was able to let me in. “You’re very lucky” he said, “Normally I would be all over Germany and not close to home, but today I was nearby and able to interrupt without problems.”

I made breakfast and contemplated luck. If I were really lucky, wouldn’t I have not locked myself out of the house in the first place? But then in my bad luck of getting locked out of the house, I was doubly lucky that I could get quick help where it normally wouldn’t be available. Either way I think I need to start wearing my housekeys on a necklace or something. I will probably be excessively paranoid about locking myself out going forward.

I spent the rest of the day getting various packages, building some furniture, waiting for the appliance delivery, and creating a list of thinks I will be buying from IKEA soon to start populating the rooms with useful things. Earlier in the week I borrowed an OBD2 reader from a coworker to find out how kaput my auto is. Seems the codes imply that the connecting rod bearings in the engine failed. So bad news, blown motor(?), but good news, likely a part of a global recall for these vehicles. Another thing on the list of things I need to worry about at some point soon. Thankfully the 1999 Opel Astra I have is working great. But that means I am out an SUV for a while and will therefore have to get my new furniture delivered.

I guess the same theme holds for my Hyundai. Unlucky: it broke. Lucky: I could get it towed back; I was able to read the codes; it’s probably a recall; I have another vehicle to drive in the meantime.

2 comments on What is ‘Luck’ exactly…
Whatever Happened to Saturday Night

January 5, 2025

adventure, Germany, Stories, Travel

I grew up with the original Roxy cast recording of Rocky Horror Show; Tim Curry, Meatloaf, upbeat rock riffs… As a little kid it sounded like normal science fiction stuff. As a teenager I got to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show movie, still starring Tim Curry and meatloaf; the songs were more languid in the movie version, but it is still iconic. I never wound up seeing the production live.

2024 is the 50th anniversary of the original musical, and back in December Instagram served me up ads informing me of the Germany leg of the anniversary tour. The closest showing to me was in Mannheim, and there were still some decent seats available at the time, so I bought one.

I had no idea at the time that I would be in the midst of moving into and furnishing my house, but I still headed out Saturday afternoon driving East on the 6. The show would be in the Rosengarten Congress Center in Mannheim, a gorgeous art deco building toward the center of the large city on the bank of the Rhine.

The drive was gorgeous, even passing a half-ruined castle right by the side of the Autobahn. The speed limit dropped in that area due to a low mountain pass, but it gave me a moment to appreciate the view of the Rhineland wine country.

Arriving at the Rosengarten, I got my Pre-Show Pretzel (if you don’t have pre-show pretzels, what are you even doing) and Sprudel Wasser, and headed to my seat

The show was excellent, the cast comfortable with their roles and singing beautifully. I wasn’t expecting to get a bit emotional when hearing the familiar tunes live, in a theater in Germany, the outsider and alien themes of the show somehow reflecting my own status as a foreigner and outsider in this land. The narration was in German, and the crowd played along with the show, squirting water, throwing confetti, and participating where appropriate.

It was quite the sight to watch middle-aged German men doing the Timewarp again, but I think we should refrain from getting strung out by the way folks look, and not judge books by their covers.

After the show I made my way out of Mannheim. The castle passed earlier was now illuminated in red light in the dark. Unfortunately my Hyundai Tucson appeared to night like that particular mountain pass and struggled to keep speed up the hill. The check engine light came on, and I thought, well there’s something else I’ll have to look into when I get home.

Unfortunately the car thought that was not good enough and lost power as the check engine light started flashing. Apparently that means “EMERGENCY DO NOT DRIVE” so I had to pull off at a rest stop and call a tow truck. A couple hours later the tow truck driver dropped me and mein kaputtes Auto at home. Duolingo came in clutch, cause none of the people I had to interact with to get my car towed spoke English except the tow company rep on the phone.

What ever happened to Saturday night?
When you Left your job and felt alright?
Don’t seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I was divine

3 comments on Whatever Happened to Saturday Night
New Year, New House

January 1, 2025

adventure, Germany

When I got up extra early the 31st, I knew I was getting my house keys, and I knew I was moving at least some things from the hotel to the house, but I did not know if I would be staying in the house that night.

Work went by fairly quickly, all of us varying degrees of annoyed that the building was open at all on New Years Eve. In Germany it’s called Silvester, after the saint whose day it is.

1300h rolled around and it was time to pick up the mattress I bought and head to the house to meet my new landlord to get the keys and do the walkthrough. The house is old, so we went through every scuff and and pre-existing wear and tear damage in the house. We were done walking through by 1500h, and I hopped in my new (to me) Hyundai Tucson to start the moving.

It’s amazing how much stuff one can accumulate in 6 weeks. My hotel room was on the 2nd floor (3rd floor in American), so I packed up about half the stuff from the hotel room and took it down to the car in about 6 trips, up and down the stairs. It ended up taking a good 15 trips on the stairs and 3 trips to the house to get everything over there. Sensi was pretty sure I was packing to leave on a trip without her, so while I packed the suitcases with clothes, she sat in them on on their lids. I tried explaining we were both going but she didn’t listen.

The third trip wasn’t strictly necessary, but I had strategically left blankets and Sensi’s things at the hotel until the final decision was made for where we would stay the night. In consultation with everyone back home (I am so glad I have unlimited international calling right now, I spent literal hours on the phone last night!), we decided that it would be a good omen to wake up in the new year in the new house.

Sensi only protested a little when I loaded her up in the carrier. I think she started expecting it when the room had gotten more and more empty. Cat, blankets, cat things, and pajamas loaded in a final car trip, at 2200h I released Sensi into the room I had chosen and let her start exploring.

The fireworks for Silvester had started going off hours ago, but they only intensified as it got closer to midnight. Sensi was not a huge fan, especially when people started setting them off in the grocery store parking lot across the street.

I called Craig and Jessica back home at 2357h so we could ring in my first new year in Germany together, despite the great distance separating us. They could hear the firework explosions through the phone as the clock rolled over to 000h. Happy New Year!

I set my alarm for 745h this morning, because New Mexico’s midnight is 800h for me. As we got on the phone to ring in their desert new year, the pre-dawn tinged wispy clouds with pink glow. My bedroom window has a beautiful view of the hills to the east, frosted and enchanted.

7 comments on New Year, New House
Russian Groceries and the Kindsbach Ice Lake

December 29, 2024

adventure, Germany

I had designs on going to the Humbergturm observation tower in the forest south of Kaiserslautern today. Out here it is like every town and village is surrounded by its own enchanted forest just waiting for me to go explore.

On Thursday the day had been clear and it stayed clear into the night. Since I’ve been staying so long in this hotel, I have been making friends with the owner and lovely staff here. The hotel owner hails from Siberia and is an incredibly interesting and sweet person.

For the clear night, we walked out north of Ramstein village on the fields to look at the stars. that night was the first totally clear night since I’ve been here, and I had not gotten an opportunity to see stars. They were breathtaking. It didn’t take us long to get out of the sparse lighting from the village, and we could see stars, planets, and the faint blue stripe of the Milky Way.

After our cold night outing, we came back and had Pelmini (Russian dumpling soup), and she invited me to go to Landstuhl with her on Saturday to check out the Russian grocery store there. I, of course, immediately took her up on the offer.

Come Saturday we piled into her car to head to Landstuhl It was early afternoon and there was still thick frost on the cars. The Russian grocery was super cool, full of all kinds of Slavic delicacies, various pickles, meats, breads, sweets. I got some Kefir and a meringue dessert.

After the grocery we went into Kindsbach to see the lake there, another enchanted forest setting that I am sure to go back to. The large rectangular lake had about half an inch of ice on it, which when hit just right made surreal musical sounds.

The lake was fed by a lovely running stream, and the path along it I’m told goes up to the origin of the spring where one can drink the cold water. German residents are justifiably very proud of their water. Many of the natural springs in this area were considered medicinal by the Romans, and likely the Celts before them.

The thick frost stayed all day giving everything a sparkly crystalline look, making the landscape and the towns really look like winter. It never got above freezing all day, but as the Germans say, “There is no bad weather only bad clothes.”

8 comments on Russian Groceries and the Kindsbach Ice Lake
Toadstools, Roman Ruins, a Castle that Forgot its Name

December 25, 2024

adventure, Germany, Photography

This morning, I set out with a plan: to hike to the Roman ruins atop the Große Berg just south of Kindsbach. The day began with a bright but overcast sky, a cool stillness promising an ideal atmosphere for exploration.

The first leg of the hike was straightforward, leading to a small log cabin off a logging-road-turned-hiking-trail. It wasn’t much to look at, more functional than enchanting, but it marked the starting point of the true adventure.

The trail loop to the Roman ruins quickly lived up to its reputation for steepness, winding upward through a forest alive with subtle wonders. The air was crisp, carrying the faint scent of pine. Along the path, wild strawberries peeked out from the undergrowth, their vibrant leaves adding splashes of green to the muted palette of fallen brown leaves that crunched softly beneath my steps. Toadstools dotted the cut-down logs, like tiny umbrellas left behind by woodland creatures. I couldn’t resist running my fingers over the young pine trees as I passed, their soft needles a gentle reminder of the forest’s resilience and growth.

At the summit, the Roman ruins awaited: a short wall and an entrance, their weathered stones whispering of a long-lost settlement from around 350 AD. The illustrative sign brought the site to life, showing what once stood in this commanding spot. I later learned that the settlement had been occupied for about a century before meeting a mysterious, violent end. It was hard not to imagine the lives lived here, the stories now lost to time.

On the descent from the Great Mountain loop, I was greeted by a sound that pierced the quiet forest with joyful clarity: the church bells from Landstuhl. Their exuberant chimes echoed through the trees, filling the stillness. I paused to listen until the bells faded back into silence.

The hike could have ended there, but it felt too brief, too incomplete. Consulting my map, I found another point of interest: Burg Perlenberg, a small castle ruin perched atop an even steeper hill.

The path to Burg Perlenberg was enchanting. Nuthatches flitted about, their delicate forms darting from branch to branch. I watched as a few splashed playfully in a puddle. A woodpecker’s rhythmic tapping echoed faintly in the distance, and the sun made a fleeting appearance, illuminating the forest with a soft golden light.

The climb to the castle was no easy task. The incline demanded focus, and I found myself searching for a sturdy walking stick among the fallen branches. When I found one, it felt as though the forest itself had offered it to me, a quiet acknowledgment of my determination. The ruin was small, the actual castle or keep was hard to imagine. Built around 1100, the remaining stones were remarkably well hewn, their craftsmanship defying the centuries. Some believe the castle was never finished, an enigma left to weather the ages, it’s true name lost to time.

On the way down, I returned the walking stick to the forest, leaving it near a cluster of moss-covered trees and whispering my thanks for its assistance. By then, the clouds had returned, blanketing the forest in a hushed stillness. The descent felt peaceful, a gentle conclusion to the day’s effort.

All told, I covered 4.6 miles in about an hour and a half. The hike was a blend of history, nature, and a touch of quiet introspection. Each step brought me closer not just to these ancient sites, but to a deeper appreciation for the stories etched into the landscape, both those of the people who lived here long ago and my own fleeting moments among the trees.

3 comments on Toadstools, Roman Ruins, a Castle that Forgot its Name
A Good Day for Some Hail

December 22, 2024

adventure, Bicycle

The weather app said light rain for the next few minutes, then it would just be cloudy and the temperature would drop. The weather app really needs to stop lying to me.

I had the brilliant plan that I would ride the ebike over to the new house and leave it there when I went to pick up the 1999 Opel Astra I bought from the departing tenants. I mapped the course, let them know I was on my way, and departed in a light drizzle while my phone read directions to me in the bone-conduction headphones I won in a Christmas party raffle a few weeks ago.

The rain did let up a bit when I was about 1/3 of the way to Bruchmühlbach, encouraging me to continue. I turned left down the road that would take me across some fields, and that is when the hail started. It stung my face and and started soaking through my coat, my legs were already soaked through, and my phone was starting to get very moist.

Thankfully there was a short tunnel under the autobahn that I could take shelter in. When I dried off my phone, however, I apparently changed where it as trying to lead me, so I had to create my own route while heading in generally the right direction once the hail stopped.

I rode for a few kilometers without any precipitation, sliding a bit here and there on the mud, and then it started raining again. Thankfully I made it to Bruchmühlbach, got my bearings, and made it to the house. I was almost completely soaked through. My t-shirt was still dry underneath my two long-sleaved layers, but that was it. My balaclava, gloves, shoes, socks, and pants were pretty much completely wet.

I picked up the car and stashed the bike, mission success. Tomorrow I will turn in my rental car, and the Astra will be me primary mode of transport until we decide what vehicle we really want. We currently have out eye on a 2016 BMW i3 REX…

Now that I am back at the hotel and dried off, the sun has come out and the skies above me are clear. I am wondering if I should take it personally or not. I think I will reward myself with Döner for dinner as a consolation prize.

1 comment on A Good Day for Some Hail